Sometimes getting over a broken heart is more than just healing your heart. Sometimes it’s a matter of healing your vastly shattered soul, and the only way to put a shattered soul back together is by keeping your heart open, no matter how much it might hurt you to do so. Today, I’m going to talk about my recent experience, and how keeping my heart open has allowed me to be vulnerable and ask the man that broke my heart for a personal favour.
THE BUBBLE LOVE PHASE
I was single for a number of years. It was partly a choice, and partly, I just hadn’t come across anyone who interested me romantically, in any capacity.
I finally met a man 12 months ago now, who was worthy of my time, attention, energy and my heart.
And fall in love I did! It was incredible.
I can only describe him as one of the most beautiful souls that I might have ever met in my life. Maybe even THE most beautiful souls I have ever met.
He captivated me. I couldn’t help but fall in love, with every ounce of my being.
He has a beautiful son and we shared many amazing times together over the next few months. Despite not having a maternal bone in my body, I fell in love with his son too, and I now find myself missing that amazing boy and his quick-witted but warm-hearted conversation and his tactile way of learning what the world is about. I miss him way more than I care to admit to myself.
The little bubble love phase was so much more than I could ever have imagined, so much more than I’ve ever experienced in my life before.
WHEN THE BUBBLE BURST
And then, with no notice, it was over only 4 ‘way too short’ months later.
No explanation. No nothing, basically just “sorry darlin, I love you but we have to break up”.
Without a shadow of doubt, I was absolutely broken.
This man who I’d been more open and vulnerable to than I had to anyone else in my entire life, by standing in his own truth, had completely and utterly broken me.
It would’ve been so easy to fall into anger and hatred.
I did occasionally. I’m only human! The first little while, I can’t even articulate the depths of despair and grief that I went through. No other break up I’ve had, has come close to that.
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, KEEP YOUR HEART STRONG
He wouldn’t, or couldn’t tell me why we had to break up and that was insanely hard for me. There was no closure in that, and even now, 6 months on, the question still lingers over my head like a darkness that light can’t yet permeate.
But I was able to hold compassion for him, because despite my hurt, and the numb and harsh way he cut me out of his life, I recognise and acknowledge that it was a super hard thing for him to do, too.
And perhaps he didn’t have the emotional intelligence to discuss things with me.
Perhaps he didn’t understand even himself enough to know why he had to make that decision.
Maybe I’ll never know.
So every time I felt myself slipping into the negative emotions, I’d get my head up. I would allow myself to feel the feelings, and then move them on through.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, OPEN YOUR HEART
I kept reminding myself that despite the heartache, I was capable of so much more.
I challenged myself to continue to remember the love I had for him, and despite the pain that remembering held for me, and the tears I cried, and the physical pain my heart felt as it broke wide open, it was so easy to remember the love.
From the first day, I was never in the relationship for convenience. There was absolutely nothing convenient about the relationship – he lived over 2 hours away in a truck, we both had financial challenges we were dealing with, and we both had massive emotional challenges to deal with during the time we were together.
But I loved him, and his boy, with every ounce of my being.
I was floundering my way through the grief, and feeling like I was getting nowhere, and I decided to put into action what I have learned on my spiritual journey:
When all else fails, surrender. Surrender, and open your heart.
When the universe caught me, I was able to hold love for that man, to hold space for him to walk his path, even though that path regrettably took a turn away from me.
LEARNING TO LOVE THE UNLOVEABLE
I recognise that if I hadn’t accepted and honoured this man’s choice to step away from our relationship, that he may not have been there for me today.
I recognise and value myself for the inner work I have done on myself to find forgiveness for the hurt he caused me.
I hold compassion and unconditional love for myself for being able to move through this without unpacking in the anger.
I recognise that if I’d held onto the anger, that today’s conversation wouldn’t have been able to happen.
I hold unconditional love for him for being such a beautiful person.
I recognise how lucky I was to have had him in my life for the time he was.
He may have been the catalyst for me feeling all of this hurt and grief, but it’s through this life lesson that I now know that I can learn to love the unlovable, and hold my heart open in any situation that I will ever come across.
THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY
I had to call him a couple of days ago, to ask a massive favour in a legal situation I’m going through, to which he is a witness of. We haven’t spoken for a couple of months, so I was pretty nervous.
I had no reason for nerves; he was absolutely amazing. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to help me get my truth out there and beat the odds.
Through having to make this phone call, I realised how empowered I felt, to have healed my heart enough to be able to put myself out there and ask the one person for a favour, who I desperately didn’t want to ask a favour of!
If I’d been operating from a point of anger, I not only would’ve struggled to speak with him and ask him that favour, but I also would’ve approached the situation in a manner in which he wouldn’t have wanted to help me.
OPERATE FROM YOUR HEART, NOT YOUR HURT
This has been a huge lesson for me, to operate from my heart, not my hurt; to be able to hold unconditional love for someone who I could easily have allowed myself to hate because of circumstances that he maybe couldn’t even control.
And how can you hate someone for standing in their own power?
Even if it is something I can’t understand!
This spiritual journey can be hard, but I’m so grateful for the gift this journey has given me in teaching me to always, always keep my heart open!