I was bullied really badly as a teenager because of my ghostly white skin. As such, (amongst other physical attributes I was bullied terribly for) the idea of how to learn to love myself unconditionally and accept myself fully and completely exactly as I am, has always been such a challenge to me.
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO LOVE YOURSELF
When you think very little of yourself, it is very easy to allow someone else’s negativities and nastiness (whether or not it is justified or not) to affect how we think of ourselves.
We need to love ourselves and accept ourselves to such an extent that we are shielded from other people simply by having such a solid and strong foundation of positivity and good thoughts about ourself.
Take for example, a really ridiculous example: if someone that you knew hated you, and in a nasty tone accused you of having purple skin with green and yellow polka dots, you would laugh at it – because the accusation is so far fetched that despite the person’s nastiness and negativity, you simply can’t believe it!
Now imagine you loved yourself so much, so incredibly much, that you were shielded from the things we find easier to believe about ourselves!
Imagine you loved yourself so much that you didn’t cringe if you heard someone call you ugly.
Visualise how powerful you would feel if you didn’t shrink if you heard someone call you lazy; irresponsible; hopeless; a loser; desperate; useless.. or anything else!
Fantasize about how dynamic you would feel if you were impervious to all of those negativities!
LEARNING MORE ABOUT MYSELF
I’m here to say, that as I learn more about me; both my inner self and my external self, I can develop my connection between those parts of myself.
From developing that connection, I am finding it much easier to learn to grow my self worth, self love and my self respect by putting up better and healthier boundaries with the people who have mocked and ridiculed me in the past, and in the present.
Regardless of the challenges I still face in loving myself, I am more and more able to recognise that our individuality is indeed our beauty.
From recognising and acknowledging that the best and most beautiful physical traits are indeed the parts that most people dislike and disparage about themselves, I am learning to appreciate and honour my own perceived flaws.
Whilst I still love and adore people with gorgeous tan skin, I am learning to love my porcelain skin; my whiteness, my inability to tan (aside from horserider tan lines), my uniqueness.
HOW YOU LOOK DOES NOT DEFINE YOU
In reality, the way I look does NOT make me a good person, or a bad person, or any type of person. The way I look simply makes me a person. My value and worth comes from inside, with no relevance to external appearances.
I think it’s important for all of us to remember this, especially at the moment for the people in the countries about to head into summer.
When people see billboards and magazines and tv shows etc all talking about ‘getting your body summer ready’… remind youself: your body doesn’t care what season it is!
All your body cares about is whether you are looking after it.
Your body doesn’t care what it looks like in a bikini. Your body cares that you have a smile on your face, and happiness within.
Try to surpass the matrix that says your body isn’t good enough, and you need to buy gym memberships and spray tans etc to look good enough to be acceptable in society. Instead, ask yourself this:
“WHO PROFITS FROM ME FEELING LOUSY ABOUT MYSELF?”
Society is a game designed to make you feel awful for the sole benefit of societal profits.
By all means, get the gym memberships and spray tans etc if you enjoy doing it; just challenge yourself as to the reasons why you enjoy it.
Don’t be a statistic of society that you need to do it because you’ve been brainwashed into believing you’re not good enough.
In the end, it is your choice, and your choice alone, of whether you feel good enough. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion is, it only matters what you think of you.
And if you think negatively about yourself, you have a lot of inner work to do, my dear.
When we start to use a rational and logical mind to attack those negative emotions that we feel about ourselves, it’s easier to see how we can learn to love ourselves.
YOU HAVE THE POWER!
Because you absolutely ARE good enough. You are perfect just the way you are!
You had the power all along to make a choice in how you feel about yourself, and you never took the time to assess why you think the way you do about yourself.
You never placed the energy into working out whose thoughts you have on repeat in your own head.
But the power is yours, as it is mine, to challenge every negative thought that enters into those awful mind loops in our brain.
MAKE A CHANGE
Now that you have started to look into whose thoughts and beliefs are running through your head you can start to reprogram your brain.
You can start to reprogram your beliefs and emotions.
It’s such a simple process – simple, but not easy.
It requires a full, whole being desire and decision to make these changes. And it takes a little bit of effort on a regular daily basis to set into action a new way of seeing yourself in order to make a difference.
One small effort on one day won’t give long lasting and profound change.
IT’S CALLED SELF DEVELOPMENT FOR A REASON
Development doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an evolution, a growth, a maturation.
It’s a slow and steady progression to get to where you want to go, but the fun part is that the goal posts are ever-moving! Every time you realise that you have gotten to your goal posts, you look ahead and they’ve jumped ahead of you.
Learning to love myself has been an ever expanding journey, as it will be for you. Keep you head up, keep your heart strong, and keep putting one foot in front of the other!
I’d love to here a little about some of your self love journeys! Leave me a comment below.
Love and Blessings,