How To Learn To Love Myself – After Childhood Bullying

I was bullied really badly as a teenager because of my ghostly white skin. As such, (amongst other physical attributes I was bullied terribly for) the idea of how to learn to love myself unconditionally and accept myself fully and completely exactly as I am, has always been such a challenge to me.

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WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO LOVE YOURSELF

When you think very little of yourself, it is very easy to allow someone else’s negativities and nastiness (whether or not it is justified or not) to affect how we think of ourselves.

We need to love ourselves and accept ourselves to such an extent that we are shielded from other people simply by having such a solid and strong foundation of positivity and good thoughts about ourself.

Take for example, a really ridiculous example: if someone that you knew hated you, and in a nasty tone accused you of having purple skin with green and yellow polka dots, you would laugh at it – because the accusation is so far fetched that despite the person’s nastiness and negativity, you simply can’t believe it!

Now imagine you loved yourself so much, so incredibly much, that you were shielded from the things we find easier to believe about ourselves!

Imagine you loved yourself so much that you didn’t cringe if you heard someone call you ugly.

Visualise how powerful you would feel if you didn’t shrink if you heard someone call you lazy; irresponsible; hopeless; a loser; desperate; useless.. or anything else!

Fantasize about how dynamic you would feel if you were impervious to all of those negativities!

LEARNING MORE ABOUT MYSELF

I’m here to say, that as I learn more about me; both my inner self and my external self, I can develop my connection between those parts of myself.

From developing that connection, I am finding it much easier to learn to grow my self worth, self love and my self respect by putting up better and healthier boundaries with the people who have mocked and ridiculed me in the past, and in the present.

Regardless of the challenges I still face in loving myself, I am more and more able to recognise that our individuality is indeed our beauty.

From recognising and acknowledging that the best and most beautiful physical traits are indeed the parts that most people dislike and disparage about themselves, I am learning to appreciate and honour my own perceived flaws.

Whilst I still love and adore people with gorgeous tan skin, I am learning to love my porcelain skin; my whiteness, my inability to tan (aside from horserider tan lines), my uniqueness.

HOW YOU LOOK DOES NOT DEFINE YOU

In reality, the way I look does NOT make me a good person, or a bad person, or any type of person. The way I look simply makes me a person. My value and worth comes from inside, with no relevance to external appearances.

I think it’s important for all of us to remember this, especially at the moment for the people in the countries about to head into summer.

When people see billboards and magazines and tv shows etc all talking about ‘getting your body summer ready’… remind youself: your body doesn’t care what season it is!

All your body cares about is whether you are looking after it.

Your body doesn’t care what it looks like in a bikini. Your body cares that you have a smile on your face, and happiness within.

Try to surpass the matrix that says your body isn’t good enough, and you need to buy gym memberships and spray tans etc to look good enough to be acceptable in society. Instead, ask yourself this:

“WHO PROFITS FROM ME FEELING LOUSY ABOUT MYSELF?”

Society is a game designed to make you feel awful for the sole benefit of societal profits.

By all means, get the gym memberships and spray tans etc if you enjoy doing it; just challenge yourself as to the reasons why you enjoy it.

Don’t be a statistic of society that you need to do it because you’ve been brainwashed into believing you’re not good enough.

In the end, it is your choice, and your choice alone, of whether you feel good enough. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion is, it only matters what you think of you.

And if you think negatively about yourself, you have a lot of inner work to do, my dear.

When we start to use a rational and logical mind to attack those negative emotions that we feel about ourselves, it’s easier to see how we can learn to love ourselves.

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YOU HAVE THE POWER!

Because you absolutely ARE good enough. You are perfect just the way you are!

You had the power all along to make a choice in how you feel about yourself, and you never took the time to assess why you think the way you do about yourself.

You never placed the energy into working out whose thoughts you have on repeat in your own head.

But the power is yours, as it is mine, to challenge every negative thought that enters into those awful mind loops in our brain.

MAKE A CHANGE

Now that you have started to look into whose thoughts and beliefs are running through your head you can start to reprogram your brain.

You can start to reprogram your beliefs and emotions.

It’s such a simple process – simple, but not easy.

It requires a full, whole being desire and decision to make these changes. And it takes a little bit of effort on a regular daily basis to set into action a new way of seeing yourself in order to make a difference.

One small effort on one day won’t give long lasting and profound change.

IT’S CALLED SELF DEVELOPMENT FOR A REASON

self-development-tips

Development doesn’t happen overnight. It’s an evolution, a growth, a maturation.

It’s a slow and steady progression to get to where you want to go, but the fun part is that the goal posts are ever-moving! Every time you realise that you have gotten to your goal posts, you look ahead and they’ve jumped ahead of you.

Learning to love myself has been an ever expanding journey, as it will be for you. Keep you head up, keep your heart strong, and keep putting one foot in front of the other!

I’d love to here a little about some of your self love journeys! Leave me a comment below.

Love and Blessings,

Josie x

 

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20 thoughts on “How To Learn To Love Myself – After Childhood Bullying

  1. Hi Josie, 

    I suffered childhood bullying from both strangers and my siblings. When I grew up and confronted my siblings about it, they were like, they were just being kids. 

    It took me a really long while to embrace my self, but I found a way to, somehow. Now, I love my self, not because people love me, but because I love me. 

    1. Siblings can be the worst! I had some really traumatic times with my brother – lucky we all eventually grew up!

      I’m so glad you’ve learned the art of self love, it can be a tough road to get there. You should be proud of yourself!

      Josie x

  2. This article really opened my eyes into the true meaning of loving oneself. The essence of living is only in enjoying the things that life itself brings. But in loving and appreciating oneself first.

    Just like you said, if one can visualize how powerful self-love is and apply that to the mental and physical being, they can overcome any negativity thrown at them in terms of doubts, self let down, put down, and so on.

    This is very inspiring and I am quite glad I stumbled upon it today. Great job and please keep it up.

    1. Thanks for your comment Richard, you are 100% spot on, and this is a perfect addition to my post.

      Have a great night,

      Josie x

  3. This is an interesting and inspiring writeup. I agree with you when you say –
    “When you think very little of yourself, it is very easy to allow someone else’s negativities and nastiness (whether or not it is justified or not) to affect how we think of ourselves.

    We need to love ourselves and accept ourselves to such an extent that we are shielded from other people simply by having such a solid and strong foundation of positivity and good thoughts about ourself.” Self love is very important and of great value. We become who we are by it.

    1. We absolutely become who we are by our self love, or even by our lack of it. That’s why it is so important, because it has such a huge influence on how our life is shaped! Thank you for your comment,

      Josie x

  4. Hey Josie,

    I’ve really enjoyed reading this article as you’ve provided us with lots of valuable information on Childhood Bullying. When I was in high school, I used to get picked because I was so lean and short. I decided to make a change by joining a gym. I was even made fun in the gym by some people, but I just ignored them.

    I found an amazing certified fitness trainer and worked with him for 2 years (I still do it to this day). Over the past 2 years, I grew in size and in height. I look a lot more muscular now so people started to respect me even more. From my point of view, it depends on how you react to the situation that you’re put into. Make A Change!!!

    Thanks a lot for taking your precious time in writing this detailed blog post. Keep up the good work Josie!

    1. What a touching and heart warming comment, thank you for sharing! It’s interesting that most bullying that affects us so badly is about our physical appearance, often which is very challenging and sometimes impossible to change.

      I love that you have made an effort to remove the issues that you were bullied for – but I do hope you respect and love yourself now even more than your peers. You are so worthy!

      Josie x

  5. This is highly motivating and inspiring, I almost cried while reading your story. In fact, I can attest to the fact that there are tons of benefits to learn from this blog post and you have just opened my eyes to the beauty of what I dont know before now. I never had such experience but you have made me learnt alot about loving myself. Thanks for this article. its a must to be shared by me 

    1. Thanks so much for sharing Tracy! It’s so important to me that everyone on the planet learns more self love! So many of the world’s problems could be solved by people loving themselves more.

      Josie x

  6. This is one of my favourite articles. After reading this article I realized that we need to love ourself first before others can love us, if a person cannot appreciate his/herself then there is space for intimidation and bullying. I never supported bullying, the fact your physical look is good doesn’t make you better than others and I hope to be able to contact you for more advice because I love your positive vibes.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! You are so right that lacking self love allows space for the wrong things, and there is more to a person than just looks – the gold is underneath the surface.

      You maye contact me at any time, feel free to comment on any of my posts, or shoot me an email at josie@theessenceofempowerment.com

      Josie x

  7. Sheer Awesomeness!. This is one of the most beautifully written with inspiring write up concerning this topic of learning how to love oneself. Though I didn’t go through bullying or mal treatment as a child. Mine started as an adult when I joined the rat race to become the best and meet up with the responsibilities. I was disappointed, bullied and mocked. I got shaken for a lot of years before I got myself back up. Though, I still have flashes of the past but this post has just set me on the path I need to thread to completely be free and realise I am the best that could happen to me. thanks

    1. Hi Darrick! I’m so glad this post was great for you to read and that you got value from it. Your experience made me think – despite the awful challenges of being bullied as a child, perhaps through the horrors, we maybe build some resilience to bullies, that you were not equipped with when dealing with bullying as an adult. I’m so very sorry you’ve had that experience, but I honour you for getting back up now, well done!

      Josie x

  8. This is a really interesting and engaging article. I am really blessed from many insightful views of life in this post. I will never justify my success or future by negativities of people around me. I gain some hatred from some of my senior brothers from childhood, based on the fact that I am gentle and loving and humble but this attitude usually pissed my brother off. But I eventually find peace with them now and on the rest of the difficulties, this post had give me a practical way out. Thanks for sharing this insightful article.

    1. I honour and respect you for being able to hold onto the gentle, loving and humble parts of yourself, while receiving hatred from your brothers. As we get older and learn new ways of dealing with things, it does get easier though, and our relationships with our family members definitely improve. Keep up the great work!

      Josie x

  9. This is truly an inspirational article.  I believe that everyone to some degree deals with self-doubt and low self esteem.  I feel it has a lot to do with our society and how we are all programmed to look and act a certain way.  Great job explaining the importance of self love.  Love makes the world go around and it is impossible to love someone else until we learn to love ourselves.  Thanks for a wonderful look into this!

    Michelle

    1. You are so right, Michelle! We are being programmed every waking minute – from watching tv to reading magazine articles, even many websites and facebook ad campaigns. I love how you put it that love makes the world go around, it really does. There is so much love to be had in this world, if we can just let go of the negatives that interfere with our hearts remaining open. Thank you for your comment,

      Josie x

  10. I absolutely love what I read in this insightful article because it is full of great information. This is fascinating and interesting to me. People tends to say whatever about you but knowing who you are is the only power to over come their thought about you.I don’t look down on myself talk less of saying bad words to myself. My affirmation words keep me growing on everyside. This is a great post 

    1. I love that you’re benefitting from using affirmations regularly for your self growth already, keep up the great work!

      Josie x

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